This storyline makes me worry for the human race, it truly does.
For those not in the know, iFit is one of those virtual gym memberships that syncs with your treadmill (and/or elliptical or bike, I think they even support rowing machines??). You choose a program, press the go button and you’re magically transported to the other side of the world.t.
Usually, programs are like a sweaty virtual tour with a personal trainer instead of a guide, but this spooky season, iFit came up with something a little different; a story. Instead of hiking through Rome or Paris, we went on a Bigfoot hunt, complete with cryptozoologist, maps, drones and a couple of reverse angles from the Sasquatch’s point of view. It was a little Blair Witch, but without the vomit inducing camera work.
Anyways, to the point. In the very first session, our fearless cryptozoologist has just told us how territorial and dangerous Bigfoot’s are, and how they make a knocking sound to warn people away, when… we hear a knocking sound. And… wait for it… she starts running toward the sound. At full speed. Through a forest, with things and dry leaves and stuff. Because, you know, that’s so stealthy and all, and like… not at all encroaching on the—dangerous and territorial—sasquatch’s space.
The same sasquatch that (presumably) made a big fucking knock knock to warn her away.
A habit she just told us about, like, two seconds ago.
Oh, and while we’re running toward the big fucking noise, she’s telling us that we need to be quiet, so as not to frighten the thing away… Oh, whoops, was that me crunching that twig, or you?
P.S. Despite the questionable survival instincts of our fictional cryptozoologist, it was a great program, just challenging enough to get me back into running after a few weeks break but not so hard I wanted to die afterward.