Bitch-space: 24 Jan 2024

Mornings. I am not a morning person. I can get up early enough but that does not mean I am functional. Does not mean that I write better (or worse, for that matter) it just means… what does it mean? Means that my preferred time for writing is in the afternoon.

I don’t like rushed mornings, and work mornings are always rushed. There’s never enough time. It seems like there’s enough time, or should be enough time, but the seeming is an illusion. By the time I’ve pounded the treadmill, completed my ablutions, done the morning chores and completed the reading the language lessons, half the time before work is already gone leaving just this. A brief hour (or less) between now and when I have to have breakfast, get ready for work and be out the door.

Sometimes, I forget how much time all that takes. Fifiteen minutes doesn’t sound like much but when you add it up… It’s quarter of an hour, it’s the time I spend writing Bitch-space. There are four quarter hour in an hour (funny, that) and… how many waking hours in a day?

Lets not go into the maths, we’ll just leave it at “fifteen minutes is a lot”. And I’m spending the first fifteen here, doing what I want to do and (dare I say it?) even coming to enjoy?

Whatever, the goal this morning (because I have to work after work. Blah.) is to get my exercise in, my creative writing exercise that is (the treadmill has already been run). So…

Starting off with Bitch-space seems to be working for me, a lubrication of the engine so to say.

And just on the off… Once again at the five (actually, six) minute mark and I’ve noticed the middle. The saggy middle that likes to trip me up. Hmm. Maybe I should call it the saggy third??

Anyway, back to the point. Bitch-space appears to be working, is a good excuse before I get to the scary stuff, the creative session. Which shouldn’t be scary, but continues to be. Not surprising, given that I’ve only done why creative type type type session (notice how I’m not calling it Bitch-space? This is Bitch-space, the other is type-type-type-space, the fun creative stuff, or that’s what I’m aiming for.)

One should therefore not be surprised that type-type-type sessions remain scary. Not that’s there’s anything to be scared of, they have to make even less sense than this right? I’m making shit up for fun and (eventual) profit, I can do whatever the fuck I like and no one will be the wiser. The rules are mine, I can make, break and bend them however I see fit. Oftentimes, I see fit a lot. Rules are for suckers (at least in fiction), why the fuck would I let reality (or worldbuilding) get in the way of a good story? In fact, isn’t breaking the world a good story, doesn’t it make things exciting to explode out of what’s expected and discover something more/else on the other side? Is that what I do every story?

Doesn’t really matter, all that matters is having fun with the writing. The reading comes later. Have fun with the writing first and worry about the other… Never. Worry about the other never.

There was a tiny moment in the above sentence where I hesitated over the “never”. Maybe I should worry about the reading before it goes to the editor? Maybe I should worry that everything makes sense and the reader isn’t going to throw my book across the room because “what the fuck is this shit?” But you know what? I’m gonna trust my inner two-year-old, the two-year-old knows what it’s doing. I’m gonna have faith in that, I’m gonna believe hard.

That’s what I’m gonna do.

Deep breath. Believe that.

Brace yourself, Bridget.

Eeek (and eww).

So… I had a tiny revelation last night about Woman in White. I figured out what S’Ahn’s driving force/goal/want/need is at the very outset, and really, it’s one of those revelations that shouldn’t really have been a revelation, because I’d already established it, just not in the current manuscript.

It’s the memory of her daughter, the “mama” in Maelstrom. S’Ahn is driven by that memory, retaining it, exploring it, uncovering all the pain and whatever behind it. It’s what drove her as a mortal, what made her into the Valkyrie (or whatever the fuck I’m going to call them). It’s the source of her power, at least at the moment.

The source may change as she evolves and becomes a god, but I don’t think it will ever be too far from her truth. Woman in White will start with the “mama” and the birds. Currently, the raven has the daughter’s memory/soul, swallowed it in Maelstrom and I don’t think that that will change for the time being. Perhaps, S’Ahn keeps hearing “mama” and chases it, unconsciously seeking the right bird call, but she can’t find it at first, there are no ravens in the War God’s domain, at least not the specific one she needs. We’ll start with song birds and go from there. The journey to that, and how she integrates with a new culture will be the interesting shit, at least for the moment.

Bitch-space: 24 Jan 2024, addendum

I don’t like this, not the writing itself, but the process. I feel like I want to add stuff, like I’m missing things, opportunities to write the words/scene I want. Type type type doesn’t give me the time to go back and change shit, to flesh it out in a way that makes me happy.

Is this a practice thing, something that will resolve itself/get better over time? Will I be able to get all the words (I wanted to say “right words”, but there’s no such things, just the right images/feelings) down in the first rush, or do I need the second rush (there’s a second rush?) to make it the way I want it?

Or, do I need to modify my expectations of type type type? Allow myself the time/opportunity to do the fleshing?

A thought to mull over.

Featured image by Myat Lone on Unsplash.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.